Narcissism is a personality disorder where someone has an inflated sense of self-importance, an intense need for attention and admiration from others, and have a lack of empathy towards other people. Let’s break these down in more detail.
Inflated Sense of Self Importance
Narcissists overestimate their abilities and think they are more intelligent, powerful, beautiful or handsome, unique, or special than most people (grandiosity). They spend a lot of time preoccupied with fantasies of infinite greatness and influence and only associate themselves with people they regard as important or influential as themselves, not ordinary people like you and me. People with this disorder are very entitled, need to be unconditionally admired, and are often arrogant and haughty.
Deep Need for Attention and Admiration
Narcissists need to be admired by others. Their self-esteem depends on a steady stream of positive regard from others (narcissistic supply). Their self-esteem is very fragile and easily hurt by the slightest criticism or failure and makes them feel deep-felt humiliation and defeat. People with this disorder study people around them for signs of positive regard and adjust their behavior to meet their needs.
Lack of Empathy
Narcissists lack compassion. They don’t love you as you love them. They love what you do for them or how you make them feel. Narcissists exploit others and will stop at nothing to get what they want. People with this disorder see people as objects that they can use and abuse and then discard when they are not of any use for them anymore. I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but it’s accurate. For example, let’s say you have a toaster (the object) that makes a perfectly toasted bagel (narcissistic supply), but when the toaster breaks (doesn’t provide supply), it’s useless and is discarded. That’s how a narcissist sees you. You mean nothing more to them than what that toaster meant to you. It’s just a tool, and if it breaks you’ll get another one.
Narcissistic Spectrum
Narcissism is a spectrum, and most people fall somewhere on it. The low end of the narcissistic spectrum doesn’t hurt anyone. Someone who feels good after 100 people like a picture they posted on social media is experiencing a low amount of narcissism. The high end of the narcissistic spectrum is riddled with abuse and broken lives. Someone who needs hundreds of people to like their social media posts to feel good about themselves and is willing to go to extremes to get what they want is on the higher end of the narcissistic spectrum.
When a person’s quality of life is severely impaired due to narcissistic behavior, they are diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) by a professional, qualified person. NPD diagnoses are rare because people that are high on the narcissistic spectrum rarely seek counseling and get diagnosed. Why would they seek counseling? They think there is nothing wrong with themselves.
Types of Narcissist
Here are the most common types of narcissists. Keep in mind that a narcissist can be a mixture of the different kinds of narcissism or switch back and forth between types.
Grandiose Narcissists: The most common type. They have high self-esteem, overestimate their abilities, try to manipulate or control others, promote a positive illusion about themselves while suppressing anything that might make them look bad.
Vulnerable Narcissists: They are not leaders or the life of the party. These people are insecure, introverted, have low self-esteem, and spend much of their time irritated that people don’t see how great they think they are.
What causes narcissism?
We don’t know what causes narcissism, but it’s likely a combination of how a child was raised and their personality. Children who were never validated or who were excessively praised or criticized are at risk.
Can narcissism be treated?
Narcissism can be treated with psychodynamic psychotherapy, but narcissists’ grandiosity prevents most of them from seeking help. They simply do not think there is anything wrong with themselves. If a person with this disorder goes to therapy, they can usually fool the therapist with their charm and use therapy to get admiration and refine their skills. Unfortunately, the only people who seek help are the ones abused by a narcissist.
Do you think there might be a narcissist in your life? Share your story in the comments.
References
- Merck Manual: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Accessed May 7, 2021
- Mayo Clinic: Narcissistic personality disorder Accessed May 7, 2021
